A Little Privacy
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Ten minutes. That's all Ezra wanted.

Ten minutes alone in a private place where no one would suddenly knock on the door and ask him what's taking so long, you know there are five, sometimes six or seven, other people on this ship and only one 'fresher, so hurry up!

That was one thing he missed about being on his own. He could walk around his tower with his junk hanging out, leave his dirty comics lying around, watch the porno channels on the holonet as loudly as he wanted, and jack off wherever he pleased, as often as he pleased. In essence, very often.

It took Ezra a while to adapt to living with people. He liked Kanan and Hera and Sabine and Zeb and Rex--and yeah, he'd miss Chopper if the droid were to suffer a critical meltdown and explode, at least for a day or two--and he wouldn't trade them for anything, but kriffing stars was it impossible for a teenage boy to get a little "me time" in this place. Especially now that they were part of Phoenix Squadron and taking on a lot more responsibilities. Between Kanan's Jedi training and Rex's blaster practice, Ezra's days were booked solid. Sometimes his nights, too, if they were on mission. More often than not he crawled into his bunk at night wanting to get a little play but just too tired to follow through. Zeb's snoring was an instant boner-killer, too. And he always snored, even when he slept on his side.

So Ezra would try to wake up early and sneak into the refresher for a quick diddle, but his idea of early compared to everyone else's was laughable. Hera was usually the first to wake, followed by Kanan, then Zeb and Sabine. And Chopper never slept. In fact, that devious mechanized monster seemed to know exactly what Ezra was doing in the 'fresher at the crack of dawn and would deliberately roll by the door every now and then and hit it as hard as he could, which would scare the living Force out of Ezra and totally throw off his mojo.

He hadn't had a good nut in weeks. And it was beginning to affect his mood.

He got lippy with Kanan, and sometimes Kanan barked at him. Rex was a little softer in his admonitions but still relentless. "Push through it, lad. You can't let yourself be distracted just because you had a bad night."

Ezra knew--maybe because his connection to the Force allowed him a little bit of foresight--that it was only a matter of time before someone walked in on him.

So when Kanan slid open the closet in the common room one day and found Ezra crouched down with his dick in one hand and a datapad displaying an x-rated holozine in the other, Kanan was more embarrassed than he was. Although Ezra was pretty kriffing embarrassed. More so because Kanan had caught him spanking it to tentacle porn than actually getting caught in the act. Everybody knew teenage boys were serial masturbators, that was no surprise, but personal kinks were supposed to be private. And now Kanan knew all about what turned Ezra on.

Ezra didn't know how he was ever going to be able to look his Master in the face after this. Some things just cannot be unseen.

It was a full day before Kanan finally cornered him in the lounge area while the others were out attending to other errands on Garel. With a patient, fatherly hand on Ezra's shoulder, he sat him down for a little man-to-man chat.

"Listen, about what happened yesterday..."

Ezra groaned and leaned on the table, burying his face in his hands. "Can we please not talk about this now? Or, like, ever?"

But Kanan persisted. "I know it must be hard--difficult. I know it's difficult for a kid--uh. Young man to grow up in this galaxy without having seen at least some porn--"

Ezra laid his head on his folded arms and wished he'd spontaneously combust. As hot as his face was, it would only take a few more degrees.

"--and I want you to know that it's okay. We..." Kanan winced, groping for words. "We're all different and I thought you might be... that you'd be comforted to know that there's nothing wrong with being interested in sex. At your age. It's a, a beautiful and healthy thing, perfectly normal--"

Ezra raised his head. "I watch cartoons about people having sex with monsters with dick-tentacles, Kanan."

At least six beads of sweat appeared on Kanan's brow. "Yyyeah, that might be a little strange, but we all have our own little... you know. Things that make us tick. As long as it doesn't affect your connection to the Force and you can keep a healthy handle on it, not let it become an obsession, there's nothing wrong with it. The Jedi never had an issue with pornography or masturbation or even sex--"

"Really?"

"Yeah, of course. We're not celibate, Ezra. Nor were we ever required to be. But like all things, if sex--or anything else: food, money, fame, pride, even other people--if it upsets our balance in the Force, then we have to examine ourselves and see that it isn't leading us down the wrong path. Do you understand?"

Ezra ruminated on it for a few moments. "Yeah, I think so."

"Okay. Good." Kanan released a shaky breath and shifted in his seat. "But that's not really why I wanted to talk to you."

Ezra closed his eyes. Just when he thought he could see a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be an Imperial Star Destroyer.

Kanan anxiously fingered a scratch on the surface of the table. "The Ghost is small and it has, unfortunately, very good acoustics. Basically it's a giant metal echo chamber."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I can hear you in the refresher every morning. Or, uh, almost every morning."

Kriffing cosmic hell. Ezra sank his head into his arms again and wanted to die.

Kanan was sympathetic. "I know it's... you're having a difficult time trying to find enough privacy, and I know it's not what you're used to. So from now on, if you ever need a private place to, uh"--his eyebrows were performing gymnastics that would win every medal in the galaxy--"take care of yourself, you're more than welcome to use my cabin." Pause. "Not while I'm in it, of course. I mean when I'm... out."

After a long moment, Ezra dragged himself up to glare dully at Kanan. "You really think I'm gonna wanna knock on your door every time I need to rub one out? I'll wear a fucking groove in it, Kanan."

"There's no need for that kind of language, Ezra."

"No, actually, I think this is the perfect need for that kind of language."

Kanan sighed and massaged his forehead.

"Look, I get what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it, but I don't..." Ezra shook his head, sighing. "I'll figure this out on my own."

Kanan nodded tightly, his lips rolled together into a straight line. "Okay. That's fine, too. I just thought I'd... put the offer on the table."

Something tickled Ezra's brain--an idea. He pondered for a moment. "Actually, you know what would be helpful?"

"What?"

"If you and Zeb were to, I dunno. Spend more time playing dejarik in the evenings. Or watching old analog holos. Like, right around 2200."

Kanan frowned. "But you're usually going to bed at--" The light shifted on his face. "Oh."

Ezra nodded. "You get me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I got you. Loud and clear." He nodded. "Good strategy. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks." Ezra sat back and waited to be dismissed. Kanan, however, seemed lost in thought. Ezra waited a full minute before finally sticking his neck out. "Are we done? Can I go?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, we're done." Kanan waved his hand. "Go and... uh... hopefully I can give you a good evening tonight." He gave his Padawan a thumbs-up.

Ezra grimaced. "Did you have to say it like that?"

"Look, I'm having a hard--goddammit, difficult!--I'm having a difficult time trying to speak right now, in case you haven't noticed, so a little grace and mercy would be really appreciated."

"Sorry."

"I'm just as embarrassed as you are."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"It isn't easy being a Master."

"Or a 'bator." The words fell out of Ezra's mouth before he could stop them. His eyes went wide and a bright red flush sprang to his cheeks. "I'm... just... I'mgonnaleavenow."

Kanan's eyes were watering as if he were either in great pain or trying to staunch a bout of mortified laughter. "Okay. That's good. Good idea." He waved. "See you around."

Hopefully not anytime soon, Ezra thought and ran from the room at the speed of humiliation.



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